Thanks, Mom.

I lose things. I always have.

When I was a child, I was late for school because I couldn’t find a clean uniform. As a teenager, I was late for soccer practice, because I couldn’t find my cleats. As an adult, I’m ten minutes late because I can’t find my keys.

In 2007, I lost my mom.

It was a hard death to live through, but I like to think that she’s still around and trying to organize my otherwise unorganized life. This was a woman who could tell you where to find the masking tape when you were painting your room bright pink (kitchen pantry, bottom shelf), the overpriced shoes you want to return (trunk of your car) or your college diploma (top shelf of the desk in your old desk still waiting to be framed).      

This morning, I woke up to my dog whimpering by the door wanting so she could be let out to “do her business.” And again, I spend ten minutes trying to find last summer’s flip flops that I know I dug out of the closet last week.

I’m running upstairs, I’m looking downstairs, I’m searching under the bed, now trying to ignore the growing desperation in my dog’s whimpers. I open the closet one last time in complete frustration and there they are  (third shelf to the left).

I just stood there for a moment amazed. Then, looked up and laughed. Thanks Mom.

On this Mother’s Day, let’s remember and appreciate all of the Mother’s who not only gave us life, but helped us keep it organized.

Happy Mother’s Day.

  

Why I Refuse to Turn Pink Over "Fifty Shades of Gray"

Have you heard of the book, “Fifty Shades of Grey?”

I first heard of it when a close circle of girlfriends got together a few weeks ago. Now, not all of us in this circle are avid readers. Some are and some just aren’t (and they’ll admit to this). I like to think of myself as one of the avid readers. In fact, if I had a choice of going to the movies or curling up with a good book, the book would win each and every time. 

Now, I don’t like to think of myself as a book snob, but I do like to think of myself as having my finger on the pulse of the New York Times Best Seller Book List. So, when the topic of this book came up and I hadn’t even heard of it yet, I felt totally out of the loop. This book came so highly recommended, that two of the women in my group literally walked over to Barnes and Noble and bought their copies after dinner.

They read it within days.

They commented about it on Facebook.

They’ve even debated who they would like to see play the lead male role in the inevitable movie.

Apparently, everyone has read this book except me. And how do I know this? I was doing errands this afternoon and while I was driving I turned on a local news station here in Washington, and guess what they were reporting on? The NYT Bestseller, “Fifty Shades of Gray” and debating whether it is the new (and I quote) “Mommy Porn.”

Oh—so that’s why this book is so popular...

Now, from my discussion with my girlfriends, I knew this book was, well, I’ll call it “juicy.” But is it really, newsworthy? WTOP thought it was and featured a complete 3-minute segment debating on just how “juicy” it was and why women are racing to buy their own copies.

Seriously? I almost rear-ended the car in front of me.

The producers really thought it was necessary to interview a women’s sexual health "expert" to find out whether all the women buying this book, are (for lack of a better term) perverted. I honestly didn’t know whether I should laugh out loud or be offended--especially when we live in a society where the porn industry creates more revenue than Microsoft, Google, ebay and Netflix combined.

Now, I’m not justifying porn, not at all. 

However, my point is this: The only reason this book became a news story in the first place, is because women are buying it in bulk—not men. And that’s a blatant double-standard if I ever saw one.

A double standard that every husband and boyfriend should be actively exploiting to the fullest…especially if they want to make their wives and girlfriends really, really happy. 

 

  

When is a Day Off..Really a Day Off?

I took today off.

I needed it, so I took it and I’ve been looking forward to this day off ever since I scheduled it last week.

So it’s here and I’m stressed. Yes, stressed. Why? I have too much to do on my day off…on my “relaxing” day off.

When I started to schedule my day off hour by hour this morning I knew I was in trouble. There I am scheduling errands around my massage. Yup—I even debated when I should go to the gym to help negate all of the wings and ribs I ate during last night’s Super Bowl. And, dare I say it, I even thought about checking my work email.

What is wrong with me?

There are friends of mine who take “stay-cations.” I don't think I can do it. The laundry that’s stacked up would drive me nuts. The mail that I have to go through would drive me even nuttier and the dirty floors…would send me into an anxiety orbit that no one has ever seen before.

Again, what is wrong with me?

Do men go through this? I think not. I know guys who go fishing for the day … on their day off. They go hiking or tinker with their cars. But they sure as hell don’t clean out the closet because they have some time on their hands.

So, I’m compromising with my internal self today. I’m going to take a day where I don’t feel so stressed because I didn’t get everything done. I’m going to take a day where (yes, I’ll go to the gym) and enjoy my massage, but I just might come home and say, read a book.

We’ll see how this goes…